Suicide Prevention is everyone’s business

Most things you don’t really think about until they affect you. You don’t really care about how you speed down other peoples streets until you live on a street that has a speed limit of 25 and people are driving 50. When it’s your neighborhood you care.

Suicide. There’s a Suicide super highway that we need to shut down. Our parents, grandparents, neighbors, children, elementary aged students are killing themselves. We gotta close it down.

We need to go back to small country roads where people smile and wave, ask you how you are and really want to hear the answer.

Save 741741 in your phone. Share it. Let people know there are options out there. People who are struggling. People who seem fine. All of us.

I think a lot about this. How can we make the world -safe- #safetobehuman?

We gotta reach out. We have to be able to say. I’m not okay. I’m walking down the isle in the grocery store and I want to lay down on the floor in the fetal position. But I walk on with a smile on my face- looking for gluten free gravy- which I never found. At the check out stand I ask if they can order it in…yes there is a form for that.

The more information- the better. You have to believe that people want to help you. That stores want to offer the products that you need

We all struggle. Let’s all stop acting like we don’t. Let’s create a culture where asking for help is okay…and saying yes when kindness is offered is okay, and saying yes when people are brave enough to ask is okay.

Join me…in making this world safe to be human…want to?

Find your Africa

When I was younger I saw people going to Africa to help with the orphanages and I so wanted to be there.  I wanted to go far, far away and make life better for the children all over the world.

Well I grew up and got bitter, those same people who went away to other countries bothered me.  I would roll my eyes and think, “Why don’t they do good in their own town?”

It seemed like such a bust to go far, far away and help people when there were people starving, dying right beneath our feet.

I pushed my little girl dream away because it seemed like the practical thing to do, and Mother Teresa herself said, “If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.”  I have been trying to do this.  IT IS HARD!

I can’t believe I went from WISHING I WAS ONE OF THEM, to JUDGING THE EXACT PEOPLE WHO WERE DOING WHAT I HAD WISHED I COULD DO!

I thought I was alone in this, but a few comments by others I have noticed makes me think I’m not so alone in this…when a dream seems to unobtainable, we tend to become bitter and cold and resent those who are living our dream.

A few months ago, I sent my sister a gift card to Chick-fil-a.  I told her she was my Africa.  I couldn’t go to Africa and help them, but I could send a 20$ gift card to make someone’s day.

If your dream is on pause today, do not let your heart get bitter.  Find YOUR Africa NOW, don’t sit bitterly by, find the thing that MOVES you, WAKES you up, STIRS your soul, and inspires you to do things you wouldn’t otherwise do.

My friend on Facebook sent me a message and asked me if I had plans to visit Uganda, I replied with a casual, “Of Course”, thinking that someday I would love to go.

A few days later he posted about how he had never tasted pizza…I don’t know why but this really got my soul in a stir.  I started looking up how many SkyMiles it would take, and how much an Airbnb in Uganda is…

This dream that I thought would happen 10 or 15 years from now is happening on October 31, 2017.  I will be traveling to Uganda to visit an orphanage, speak to women’s groups, church groups, and community members.

We will be doing a benefit concert on Monday, October 23^rd featuring Andrew Wiscombe. (Location To Be Determined) We are collecting items that I can take with me that they so  gratefully have requested.  Save the Date!  For more information please follow me on Instagram @fit2bkind or email me yestokindness@gmail.com .

The good you do MATTERS.  YOU MATTER.  Don’t give up on your dream!!  If it seems too big, break it down and find your mini Africa until you can make your big dream a reality.  There is much work to do now, bless the lives of everyone you come into contact with. Smile. Pause. Be Kind. You got this!

Tammy Lane Guffey founder of Yestokindness.com, kindness advocate, soul ignitionst.

Please See Her

An open letter to everyone at Boston Logan International at 4:30AM

Please see Her.

See my little sister, my little sister who is pregnant, carrying my 1 year old nephew in a car seat…and a roll on bag, and a backpack, and a stroller.

Please See Her.

Instead of rushing past her on your way your way wait at the gate, please, pause to ask her if you can help her. She will probably say no, because she is strong like that, but if she does, stay a minute and smile and wave and talk to her son.  

Please See Him

He’s a bit over one years old, with a happy heart and a smile that, if you let it, can make your day.  When he smiles at you and waves, please smile back.  Let him be a light along your path.

Please See Them.

Everyone you meet along your way today, is somebody’s sister.  Somebody’s Mom. Somebody’s Son. Their grandma, grandpa, or at least somebody’s friend.

As you rush, then wait, then rush, then wait…please notice them.

Smile instead of scowl, if you are happy then please tell your face. If you have opinions and judgements find a way to say them in a helpful way.

The world is still good.  Thank you on advance to whoever it is that will take my sister in, until she is back safelty with her husband.

The world is still good.  I #preappreciate those who can and will make the world better today, because we can.  In small ways, even on our hard days, we still have power to be the light, or blend in and add to the dark.

Your kindness matters. You matter.

You got this!

Tammy Lane Guffey   Sister.Human.Imperfectionist https://youtu.be/I6OYRG305OY

​Let Kindness Drive Your Business

3 easy things you can do today.

1. Start noticing people.

When people come into your space look at them, notice them, acknowledge their existence. If you are at work and pass a co-worker try this: “I’m glad you’re here today”. If you pass by your boss, “Hey, I’m grateful for this job.” If a customer comes in, “Thank you for coming in today.”

We are all human, everyone is fighting a hard battle that we know nothing about, and a kind word, or comment of encouragement can mean more than you’ll know. 

As a customer, most places we go it is out of necessity, if I need a repair on my vehicle, I promise you there are a million other places I would rather spend my money. We need to make it easier for people to spend their money with us. A welcoming face, a smile, and a gracious employee is a great start!

2. Lower your expectations and Increase your Appreciation

Let’s be honest, we live in a high expectation/low appreciation world…and it’s not just “kids these days” that have this problem. 

We tend to feel like people “owe” us good service no matter how we treat them. We under-appreciate the fact that the employee even showed up today so that we as the consumer can be blessed with a place to purchase the things we need or want.

Please don’t even get me started on how we treat each other at home…home life is a breeding ground for high expectation/little or no appreciation. It’s easy to fall into the falsehood of “the world owes me” because I am the customer, I am the parent, I am the boss.

Truth is no one owes us anything. Imagine the world where we stopped expecting, and instead were awed and grateful that people even showed up for work. Most people are in the middle of a crisis, just got done with a crisis or are about to be in a crisis. So the mere fact that people show up to serve you is good enough, no one owes us anything. Shift to gratitude, shift to wonder and amazement. See how this changes things for you.

3. When you want to complain…flip it

Would you rather be around someone who is constantly complaining, criticizing everyone, finding “whats wrong with the world”? Or would you choose to be around someone who is easy to be around, finds the good in everything, talks about other peoples strengths and is solution focused?

So this is how you flip a complaint. If you are about to say, “My boss is intolerable.” A flip could look like, “I am grateful that I have a boss to complain about.” and then stop. This can be done for any complaint, there is always a flip side. If we train our minds to automatically flip to good, we can make a massive impact for good. 

Complaining is simply creating more of what we DO NOT WANT. Flipping it to gratitude allows us to pause, think about what we want and create a new story.

If we are going to shift the world, we are going to have to make Kindness the driving force behind what we do, and not just a novelty once in a while or on birthdays. We can shift to a culture of caring, it is in small ways, simple ways. Start today and watch your life become a more lovely place to live, if we start with us, the world will shift. And like Mother Teresa always said, “If you want to change the world, go home and love your family” (Of course she wasn’t married so…easy for her to say) All jokes aside, really, we have the power in small shifts to change things in a big way.

Join me, in reminding people that it matters that they are here, because it does, it matters that YOU are still here.

Tammy Lane Guffey, Motivational Speaker, Writer, Kindness Advocate

3 steps to stop suicide

In this high tech/low connection world it’s easy to get caught up and lose sight of what is really important.

Suicide is happening all around us, every day we are losing this battle. The scariest thing about suicide is that the more it happens… the more it happens. Every time a suicide is successful it’s subconsciously gives others permission to do the same.  It can lead people to think, “if they can do it why can’t I?”

It’s similar to when in 1954 Rodger Bannister broke the four-minute mile barrier, you see the way we live our lives gives other people permission to do the same.

According to a publication from John Hopkins Medicine, they state, 

“Those who lost a parent to suicide as children or teens were three times more likely to commit suicide than children and teenagers with living parents.”

Join me in reminding people that it matters that they are here. Try these 3 steps to stop suicide.

1. Commit to not taking your own life.

Start now to create a safety net so when hard days come (as they surely will) you know that you will get through. 

Know without a doubt that there are people that look up to you, that you have no idea the impact for good that you have had on them. 

If for no other reason continue to live so that you’re not handing out permission slips for others to take their own life.

2. Create a culture of caring around you.

Instead of walking around wondering what everyone can do for you- start noticing what you can give to others.

It’s the small things a smile to a stranger, an actual listening ear to a friend in need or simply inviting someone to share a meal with you. 

We tend to create this big drama about being a good person and saving lives but you can do it in small ways all along your way.

3. Think before you open your mouth.

It’s so easy to say whatever is on your mind and follow it up “well I’m just that way” or ” they shouldn’t be so sensitive.”

You never know what people are going through or what just happened 5 minutes before you they came into your space. 

I like to that everybody is going through something overwhelming, they just got done with a huge challenge or they are about to be going through something very soon. 

It sounds so cliche but it is true that a kind word can warm up the darkest of days. 

It is also true that your words can kill.

Commit now to taking accountability for the words that you say, to yourself and those around you and those that pass by.

Leave a trail of goodness everywhere you go. You never know when you’re going to have to come back around and the good you did yesterday ends up saving your life today.

In a world where you can do anything…do good.  In a world where you can be anything… be the good.

Tammy Lane Guffey

Mom. Speaker. Kindness Advocate

sources:
http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/news/media/releases/children_who_lose_a_parent_to_suicide_more_likely_to_die_the_same_way

Selective Kindness

Selective Listening Kindness

 

If you have kids, or have been around kids you know they have selective hearing… Even as grown-ups we have to tune out a lot of what we hear just because there is so much being said that it is at times overwhelming.

I have been accused of being a hypocrite because I’m “not kind all of the time” or because “I yell at my kids” and this is discouraging because I feel like the good I do isn’t as valuable or impactful because I’m not 100% kind all of the time.  Yes! I suffer from a condition called Selective Kindness.

I thought maybe I should take a break from kindness until I could truly be kind from the inside out, so I could have a clear conscious, and know I was actually kind and not “faking it”.

Well I went to the gym and in the Locker Room they had air dryers to dry your hands, and a pledge about their commitment to keeping the world’s pollution down, all good things. When I went out into the gym they had paper towels to clean the weights, I thought to myself, “all the good they’re doing in the locker room and they’re ruining it by having paper towels out here.”  Other gyms that I have been to, have cloths for wiping down the weights, and paper towels in the Locker Room…So everyone has their reasons for the way they choose to be.

Then I thought about life, and how we are all “Selectively Going about Doing Good.”  We probably could stop judging others because they are doing this, but not doing that.  We could probably stop thinking that we have to have it all together to do any good in the world.

Life isn’t about perfection, it’s more about timing, when you have a thought to do some good, please do it.  Even if you’re a hot freaking mess, you can still help others.  Small acts of constant kindness can change your world.  We have to stop and let people live, and breathe, and do the good they selectively do.

The world is hard right now.  It is hard to be human.  It is hard to be a mom, a teenager, a toddler, a grandma, a student, a business owner, unemployed, a manager, a server, an owner, a postal worker, a delivery person, a role model, a MLM distributor, because the expectations are so high and the appreciation is so low.

We live in a HIGH EXPECTION, low appreciation world. BE THE ONE who makes it easy for others to live in this world.  Be Kind, Be Grateful, Be Nice, Say Less, and Do More.  It matters. You matter.  The good you do matters even if it’s selective and you only do the good you like, it is better than nothing.  Choose YOUR good and do it!

Tammy Lane Guffey

Yestokindness.com

(Soldier, Speaker, Mom)

 

Speak, Love, Stand Up

I’m not worried about the mean people in the world, what worries me is the amount of “nice” and “good” people that stand idly by watching unkind things happen!

Who are we to judge anyway.

What we see is a snap shot of someones life, and we are so quick to judge.

May we put aside our own insecurities and help someone in need, and stand up for those who cannot stand, speak for those who have lost their voice, and love people until they can love themselves, find their voice and stand up for themselves.

This Is how we make it #safetobehuman 

I’m inviting all of us to be human. 

beautiful

messy

real

REMEMEBER THESE 3 THINGS:               1.Be real.                                                     2.YOU are here for a reason.                         3. you got this!

In a world where you can find anything …find the good!
The good you do matters more than you know. Leave a trail of good behind you- you never know when you’ll loop back on the same roads.

@fit2bkind

Be real, 

Tammy Lane Guffey https://youtu.be/I6OYRG305OY

Pre-Appreciation

Pre-Appreciation is simply changing the timing of when you say thank you.  Instead of saying it at the end…or never- you simply say it at the beginning.

The main thing to remember about Pre-Appreciation idea is that we are using gratitude to shift our thinking from “how can you serve me?” to “how can I make your life Better because we met?” 

Pre-Appreciation has the power to change a common transaction into a real. human. connection.

Here are a few more ideas on how to incorporate Pre-Appreciation into your life on a daily basis.

Compliments: We live in highly critical world, make it a habit to shift from complaining to complementing.  Anyone that comes your way, smile, find something good and then say it. “nice shirt”, “you look great in that color”, “I’m glad you’re here today” could all be used. Try not to over complicate it. Just notice people.

School: Send a Pre-Appreciation Card to your kids teachers/principals at the beginning of school. (Possibly even once a month)

Business: Send a Pre-Appreciation note to the event organizer of a conference or event you’re about to attend.

Employers: at the beginning of every day- mingle about your office and tell your employees “I’m glad you’re here today- Thanks for showing up.”

Association meetings send the guest speaker a Pre-Appreciation note for coming to your meeting. They may be coming on their own dime; a little pre-thank you goes a long way.

Restaurant: Pre-thank your server with a pre-tip and “thank you in advance I know you’re going to do a great job.”

Hotels: Pre-Appreciate with a pre-tip to your cleaning crew the  first night that you stay instead of just at the end of your stay.

People that helps you with your bags -tip them at the beginning when you first meet instead of he end.

Family: Reunions- send a Pre-Appreciation note to let them know you are grateful for their effort.  People need to know what they do matters. Be the one to spread goodness.

Home life: On your way home from work call ahead to let them know you’re almost home- tell them thank you for all they did that day “I know you did a lot of things today that I probably won’t notice- so I just wanted to say thank you in advance.”

Ecclesiastical Leaders: send them a random note in the mail to say thank you- their calling matters. 

Any person that you can think of that has a thankless job- be the one that thanks them and shows pre-appreciation.

Gratitute matters.

It’s more than a feeling or words, it’s action!

Send more ideas or stories of how pre-appreciation has changed your life to trythankyou@gmail.com

💞🙃💞 Tammy

This Mother’s Day. I QUIT!

It started off badly. And got worse. For me motherhood hasn’t been the picture perfect cuddle at night while your baby smiles and laughs. 

I had applied for a Disney internship and had finalized my living arrangements in Cali.  That week I found out I was going to be a mom, I was so angry. And then I felt guilty for being angry because you know, so many people are trying to get what I have, and to me it was a burden, a life interrupt, a kink in my well laid out plan.

I had to withdraw…I chose to withdraw from the internship program and had my oldest biological daughter on 11/11/11. 

Two months later after severe postpartum depression I went to the doctor to get an IUD and set up a time to have my tubes tied.  Motherhood was so hard. I could not do it again.  

The nurse came into my room and explained that I wouldn’t be getting an IUD because I was pregnant.  I was so pissed. I screamed from the top of my lungs. I was mad at my husband, God, the fact that nursing is not birth control was a real thing. 

I was already drowning with the lack of sleep and adjustment to motherhood, what the hell was I supposed to do?

An honest thought i had often was, “why am I getting more kids than I can handle when others are praying, dying, trying for one?”

This fueled my #postpartum depression and after my youngest was born before my oldest turned 1, 10 months and 28 days later, my depression turned into full blown #postpartumpsychosis.

I was so mad.

I was so tired, and hungry, and tired.

I lost it one night and long story short ended up getting tazed twice and sent to the emergency room and then the psych ward. I felt like I wanted to stay in there until my kids were grown.

There was no training, there is nothing that can prepare you for having Irish twins (a term used to describe when kids are born in less than one calendar year).

I was so grateful how the women that lived near me embraced me, and helped take care of me and my two little ones.

People would say, “enjoy this time, it goes by so fast”…i really wanted to punch all of the people that ever said that. I mean really when someone is drowning barely making it, why is that helpful? Or don’t get me started on, “it could be worse!”

The point is, that motherhood isn’t all sunshine and roses, smiling faces and cliche phrases.

It’s messy, and hard and horrible. It’s dark and scary…and some days doing jail time seems better than doing bed time. 

One day this week someone told me, I don’t HAVE to be a mom anymore. 

She said, you don’t HAVE to do laundry, or HAVE to dishes or cook or clean. Any of it!

You see, I have been carrying around my passport religiously, and regularly check one way flights to exotic places.

I always have one foot out the door, I have always looked at my kids as something that holds me back, holds me down.

She said to me, Tammy you do not HAVE to be a mom, it’s America and many many people make the choice every day to not be moms anymore.

There is power that comes from living in choice. 

I choose to do laundry because I like clean clothes.

I choose to stay and be the best mom I can be, even if most days my tries super duper suck.

I choose to look at motherhood differently, to look at my kids as people in training and not as burdens or dream crushers.

I choose to stay.

I choose to teach them how to be kind. By how I live, not by lip service.

I’m teaching them that their dreams are worth it, that they are worth it because every day I take a step towards my dream.

I’m done feeling guilty for how things have gone in the past. 

This mothers day I quit. 

I’m not being a mom Anymore because I have to, or should, or need to.

I’m doing it because I want to.

I love these 3 girls of mine, and I’m not going to apologize that how I mother is different than how you do, or what the books say. 

I’m doing me, and if you have judgements and comments about how I am, or our lack of routine, or anything else, keep them to yourself because we are going to change the world. 

Together.

Now excuse me while I put my oxygen mask on. I need some air…first.
You are doing good, you got this!

Love Tammy

How addiction is used against us

I have some feelings and thoughts about addiction, I want to say they are inspired…but who knows, if they help one person then I feel okay about it.

I have been blessed with an addiction, well several.  Some better than others, since you know there is a scale.  (that was sarcastically written there is no scale- they are all equal)

These addictions put the people around me in harm’s way, they mess with their safety, their sanity, their state of mind.

I have also been blessed to be surrounded by people who have addictions that affect me.  My safety. My sanity. My state of mind.

For years I have been trying to make sense of them, wrap my brain around it, stop them, run from them, fight them. Oh the years I spent fighting, and running, and running and fighting.

Until one day, (not really one day, of course it didnt take one day! It just sounds good and that is why people say rediculous things because it looks better on paper, and sounds better)

One day, I decided that it’s not my battle to fight, it is human to err, and the struggle with the issues that we have will be long term.

We are all made a little bit different, mostly the same, but just different enough so we all have different things that drive us, that tempt us, that we are addicted to.

And how nieve are we to think that one addiction is less worse than someone else’s addiction…they all do the same thing.

Soooo back to that one day when I gave it to God. I said listen, I can’t do this anymore, I can’t be the lead investigator, the judge, the jury, the executioner, you take this, it isn’t mine to carry.

I will agree to help others and you help him I CAN’T FIX MY HUSBAND but I can take dinner to the lady having surgery.

Are you stuck in the Details of Addiction?

I feel like satan is using US and keeping us stuck in the details of this addiction to paralyze us, to keep up wrapped up so we can’t do good. God I’ll help you if you help my family, deal?

So God says back, I can make your flowers grow, but I can’t smile at everyone that passes YOUR way, I can soften hearts, but I can’t be the mom your kids need you to be, I can save souls, but I can’t do the small acts of kindness that cross YOUR mind…help me child, you help me and ask, and I’ll help you.

I am a gentleman, a kind God, a loving father. Complaining to your friends is different than praying to me, I CAN TAKE IT, yell, cry, scream, bitch, at me, I know what to do with it.

Your friends need your smile, your encouragement, your faith in good, in God. I can heal this world, but I need you to be my hands, want to?

Tammy Lane Guffey

(Addict. Mom. Trying)